Cruisin' with the Salseros

Wendy Caplin

So I will preface this last trip with 2 events. First, yours truly was innocently walking home in the rain carrying a cup of coffee in one hand and groceries it the other when I saw both feet come off the ground and in the instant before I landed on a metal grid, I knew I’d be in trouble. I took it on my tailbone and had a bruise the size of a dessert plate. I was wretched and stiff for a few weeks and had to give up my exercise regimen which had been part of my training for the cruise. The object having been to lose a few pounds before I gained many more.

But there was one lovely interval before we embarked. My friend Charles, art historian par excellence, treated me to a fantasy day. I met him right after a great dance class at Moma. He got me in on his membership card. And it was my first time experiencing the renovation. It was very dramatic and soaring, but I also have to agree with Charles that the intimacy of the old museum was still preferable. But it was an adventure negotiating the new placement of everything and we did get a special treat. There was a members only preview of the Elizabeth Murray installation which was awesome. Her work is big and brash and colorful and incredibly humorous and there were very few of us in there. And I highly recommend it as an instant mood lifter. It was also fun to see some old ‘friends’ in their new environment. The permanent collection sort of feels like old family.

Then we went down to Moderne for lunch. The hot new eatery that has recently achieved practically celebrity status. Charles managed to secure a reservation in the very chic and modern inner room. Our really cute waiter delivered our artichoke soup garnished w/lobster as we embarked on a culinary adventure that I will never forget. This was accompanied by extraordinary bread. And then a plate of charred octopus on potato salad and an order of grilled shrimp on a shredded cabbage ‘slaw’ that was so good I can’t even find the words. Charles ordered a hard cider and when it arrived I immediately wanted one too. It was a perfect accompaniment and added another degree of decadence to the experience. We also had a salad of fines herbes with a divine chunk of goat cheese wrapped in a smoky bacon that Charles begged me to try. And I have to admit it was one of the greatest pairings I’ve ever tasted. We had a few leisurely hours to catch up with each other. It was like a mini vacation. A grand day.

Then on Friday morning at 3:30 as we were almost ready to get up to catch our flight to P.R., the phone started jumping off the hook. Emo, one of Harlow’s singers, was driving in to catch the flight and had been stopped for so long at some check points that he was afraid he’d miss the flight. We had a JetBlue flight at 6 AM which was torturously early. Especially since it’s impossible to get to bed early when we are leaving town. But we all made it and I slept all the way and we arrived in Puerto Rico at 11AM. It was hot and sunny and we checked into the El San Juan, a legendary old hotel that I have always wanted to stay in. It has one of the most extraordinary lobbies in the world. Our room was large and a little run down and dominated by a gargantuan round hot tub. We changed and hit the pool and I got a beach walk and then Harlow had a meeting scheduled about a project that could turn out to be really exciting. And then the skies opened and it poured. I had planned to walk around that afternoon but the rain raged more and more and we decided it was better to eat in the hotel. There was a new Mediterranean restaurant called Pasha that had opened recently. (it had been a Chinese restaurant for many years). It was a large, airy space with fabrics draped and cool glassware and only one other table occupied. Everything we wanted wasn’t available. But the excellent goat cheese salad and the gravlax were no slouch and we split a paella and a some wine and were probably asleep by 9. And then awake at 2:30. There was a ringing. 1st we thought it was the cell, then a smoke alarm, then a hidden alarm clock. And finally we looked in the hall where people were standing around looking puzzled. So I got dressed and was going to take the elevator down when a huge group got out and said it was a false alarm.

Saturday was picture perfect. We went to the Ritz Carlton to meet Pete Nater and his wonderful girlfriend Marianne. The hotel was really impressive. New but built to look like an elegant older hotel. Lovely pool area. Marianne and I took a long walk, It is now my favorite beach in San Juan. Then we paddled around in the ocean and went back to the ESJ where they were grilling fish and Harlow had a great piece of snapper and I had shrimps on a skewer and the best slaw ever. I took a walk through town and picked up a few things we’d forgotten. Then we decided to try out the Jacuzzi that turned out to be rather awesome. We found out that Bomba Hara and Rei from Japan were in town and they came and got us and took us to Atlantica where Emo and Louis met us and we all chowed down on beautiful black squid rice and fish and lots of sangria. We stopped at the Intercontinental on the way back to check out some of the live music shows Heineken Jazz and then hit the hay.

We got in a swim on Sunday and then checked out and headed to Old San Juan to board the Carnival's Destiny. Our home for the next week. First cruise for both of us. We got whisked through on a VIP pass and were able to drop our stuff in our big gorgeous stateroom. We had a balcony with 5 chairs and a table. A king sized bed piled w/down comforters and pillows. A dressing room and 2 roomy closets and a tub w/a Jacuzzi. And I am desolate that we never got pictures of it. Harlow had to go back out to get the equipment he was borrowing. There was much drama trying to make sure the whole band was going to make it. Some didn’t have transfers from the airport and some didn’t have tickets. But finally all were accounted for and we went off with his friend Ismael Rosario, who had loaned him the equipment and we went to his wife’s restaurant Majorca and me Irmacita, who is a hoot and who I immediately loved. And we hope to see them over Thanksgiving in NYC. Then we walked back to the boat. Our suitcases were outside our room. I unpacked and we went to the first of many parties. This one had free cocktails, blue margaritas for us. We finally found Harlow’s friend Paula and her husband Masoud and their friends. There were trays of canapé’s. Smoked salmon and duck pate’ and much more. And then Harlow’s brother Andy told us that dinner was being served in the dining room.

Now we had eaten a meal in town and then stuffed many high calorie tidbits into our mouths but we had to check out the dining room. I learned from Andy that you can order as many appetizers and entrees as you want. I had chicken satay and a green salad and fried shrimp (I peeled off the outside. Really just craving shrimp) and then the boys all ordered the sugar free orange cake with sugar free ice cream which was all quite delicious. Even though we were stuffed to the gills. And we still had to do the mandatory fire drill at 9:00. Imagine 2500 tired, overly full tourists, wearing large and unwieldy life vests having to line up 4 deep on a hot steamy deck and then stand really still and be very quiet. Not a place for the claustrophobic. Then we retired to our incredible room and had to stay up a few hours waiting to get our safe fixed. And then we slept like dead things. Our room was great, the bed phenomenal and the boat rocked us like babies.

We woke to a sunny day in St. Thomas. We had breakfast in the main dining room. Yeah, me too. A toasted bagel platter w/superb smoked salmon. And watched the skies turn black and a huge storm bow through. Then we hit the gym where we encountered Chembo(Conga ) who was just getting introduced to exercise. We all hit the treadmills. Boys: 1 mile. Girl: 2.3 miles. Then Bobby Sanabria joined us and we all did rounds of the new rotator cuff exercises I had learned from our chiropractor. Harlow showed me that all the weight machines were hydraulic. You could control the amount of weight you wanted just by tapping on the handle, no more getting off and running to the back to yank at pins. Pretty neat. Then we all met and took a cab to Magen’s Bay. A gorgeous white sand beach. Water was perfect and too clear to describe. I took a long walk to the other side which was totally secluded. Just me and what appeared to be a black pelican who took off silently. It was a wonderful day. A little cloudy but really relaxing. The boys had to be back for sound check so I walked around the shops in the port and got caught in a dramatic rain storm. Bought a few tams w/dreadlocks for the Halloween party that night. I was ravenous when I boarded the ship but the lines for the buffet were so long that they closed off the service so I went to our room and ordered a mozzarella and vegetables on foccaccio sandwich and a carafe of coffee which came just as I got out of the shower. It was not great but hit the spot and it was a goof to be able to order free room service.

A few hours later was dinner which was our first seating in the main dining room. And as we were waiting for the doors to open Harlow saw some flashes and his eye went blurry. The same one that he had had repaired for a hole in his retina. This did keep me somewhat worried for the rest of the week and kept him winking and blinking. At dinner they had put most of the musicians together. I had a great appetizer of calamari, shrimp and mussels in a red sauce. An artichoke salad. And snapper that was tasty but overcooked, with a really good lentil cake. Harlow and I split a sugar free lemon cake (great) and a black and white mousse (so so). I got to talk to Tanya, Alfredo de la Fe’s very cool girlfriend who is a physical therapist. Then we walked around the dining room and found Harlow’s brother Andy calmly eating dinner w/rubber bullet holes dripping blood all over his face. That night there was a lot of Halloween festivity. People of all ages. Costumes everywhere. Some quite extraordinary. The whole band got dressed up. They were scheduled to play at 11:30 in a room that was supposed to be a dance club. But when the boat had been in dry dock the room had been carpeted and the tables and chairs bolted down. This did not keep the crowds from dancing their asses off. The band sounded and looked great. (see some pictures attached). Harlow reprised his 70s hippy look and I reprised a variation on the girlfriend (I had a fall from the 60s and a long sequined jacket). There was a priceless costume contest and Harlow played a second rousing set. I snuck out a little early. We had been under the impression that we had a sailing day on Tuesday but in fact we were going to be on Dominica (accent on 3rd syllable). So I did a little studying of our options. And then was lulled to sleep.

We were up at 9 in the morning. Sunny day. I had some whitefish with my ½ bagel. And 2 cappuccinos. We al hit the gym again and Harlow picked up some tickets for a trip to the rainforest. Dominica is a strange and very interesting island. Not really much on beaches. A bunch of us piled into an air conditioned bus. Our guide Jessie was adorable and kept up a funny and very interesting patter throughout the trip. We drove through the botanical gardens and took frequent photo op stops. We were taken to an active sugar cane plantation guest house where we were treated to an extraordinary view and a tropical fruit drink. We passed through some of the most abject poverty I have ever seen. True shantytowns. Burnt out lots and leaky tin roofs. Yet every citizen gets free heath care and vastly reduced specialty treatment. And the landscaping in front of even the most meager hovel was naturally beautiful. We were taken to a rainforest and lead on a precarious walk to the Emerald Pool fed by a waterfall. The water was supposed to be a fountain of youth. When we got there it was a little cool and there was no sun. Harlow dropped out and I got in only up to my thighs. Chicken that I am, I hate being wet and air conditioned. But many of the others got in and splashed around and came out 15 years younger...just kidding. I walked back alone and had the rainforest to myself and my breath was taken away by some of the scenery. On the way back in the bus Jessie, after many apologies, sung us the anthem of the island. In a voice that was better relegated to singing in the shower. But there was something so sweet about her performance and the really lovely lyrics that we gave her many ovations. She made our day.

And once again hungry, we showered and dressed for our formal dinner. First there were free cocktails at the captain’s reception. We missed the canapés but poured down a few wine daiquiris. Then we were seated at a table of nattily dressed guys in suits w/glowing tans. Everyone looked great. I had prawns and also wild mushrooms and goat cheese in a puff pastry as appetizers. A surprisingly decent Caesar salad and 2 lobster tail and risotto entrees. (excuse me, did you say oink?). And a chocolate almond torte (yum) and there was champagne to celebrate Marianne’s birthday. And the waiters already knew who liked espresso or cappuccino (decaf cap for me every night).

After dinner Harlow crashed and I went to watch some of the show in the main theater. Very showy. Started with Fats Waller and then degenerated to the Village people. Glitzy and great lighting and costumes. I snuck out and snuck into bed. Had to be ready for Barbados.

I forced myself up for an 8:45 sculpt class that was taught by a long lanky Australian guy w/a little too much energy. He warmed us up w/some step class and then we worked with exercise balls (a first for me). It was pretty brutal. Lots of leg and ab work. I was totaled. I grabbed some coffee and a croissant and we met Pete and Marianne to rent a car. Harlow was operating on only one eye and Pete started off a little anxious about driving on the wrong side of the road. But soon he got over it. We had a convertible sort of jeep. We went to Mullins Bay which was lovely. A little wavy. We rented chaises and umbrellas. It was seriously hot. We swam and I walked and then we were starving and there was a restaurant where the little birds took food from our hands. We had fried flying fish sandwiches and Harlow ordered a shrimp Caesar . It was enough for 6 but the 2 of us polished it off with some beers. Then we drove to a nearby town so Pete and Marianne could get a bite and then they dropped us off and I took a quick steam and sauna and we dragged ourselves to dinner. I have hearts of palm and artichokes to start and a plain salad and beautifully cooked tilapia. We were given a milky chocolate mousse that wasn’t great but that didn’t keep me from devouring it. Then we caught the comedy show which was OK. And Harlow and Andy decided to hang in the casino. I hung around a little and then crawled into bed. And we both slept like dead things.

Thursday was our first sail day. We were actually ready to do nothing. There was a 9:00 salsa lesson which I tried. I stepped on more toes than a N.Y. subway and as usual felt inept. But I hope to change that this year. New Year’s Eve resolution to take salsa classes. I met the guys in the gym and did some weights and heard that Louis Kahn had done a serious work out that morning. And was seen later happily grinning in one of the outdoor hot tubs. Sorry, no pictures. I made the mistake of planning to get 2 loads of laundry done. But considering the paucity of machines and the huge number of people who had the same idea, I only managed to get one load done and that took almost 2 ½ hours. Then I went on deck to get a little sun. And a dip in the salt water pool. We decided to try the buffet for lunch. There were great salad fixins and some good fried chicken and some overcooked mahi mahi and some sushi. And lots of prepared salads. Harlow had some sugar free cake and his brother Andy joined us. Then I read in the sun a little and we decided it was time to check email. What a rip!! For $30 Harlow got to clear his messages and find some phone #s and I barely got through half of mine. It was frustratingly slow and overpriced. So I was hungry again and decided to wait on line at the “New York Deli” and got a grilled turkey sandwich.

Dinner was a dress up night again. And I forgot to write anything down. There was a show in the main theater. This one was better. A sort of fake Cirque du Soleil but there were some outrageous sets and costumes and fabulous lighting. Harlow started playing at midnight in the same club as on Halloween. He had to play 2 sets. I made it through one. And then I went upstairs to see the food show. 120 hours of labor had gone into carving huge ice sculptures and fabulous tableaux of birds and animals all made of fruits and vegetables. And the most gorgeous cakes and pies I have ever seen. There was an hour or so just for photo ops. And then desserts were served. One of the hardest moments of the trip was not giving in to that temptation. But I did have to run for my camera. I was so impressed by it all and sorry that I hadn’t gotten up there to watch the artists at work. It was amazing.

Friday I woke up in Aruba with a real sore throat. Didn’t feel well at all. Met everyone in the gym and did what I could. Then Chembo and Bobby and louis Bauzo and Bernie and Harlow and I piled into 2 taxis and went to a really lovely beach. Great sand. Perfect water. We had a tough morning of sunning and swimming. I took a decent walk and came back to find all the boys ensconced in the restaurant on the beach. We had lunch and lazed around. There was a huge party that had been organized to leave at 9 in the morning on a private island. But none of us could face being up at that hours It turned out to have been a blast. Everyone ate and drank and the snorkeling was supposed to have been awesome. I didn’t mind too much because I couldn’t even face wearing a snorkel that day. We got back in the afternoon and found a cheap internet café and wiped off some more spam. But all the stores had closed before I could do any shopping. Dinner that night was a disappointment. The crab salad w/fennel was delicious. But the scallops on pasta w/library paste were inedible. So I gave up. I ended up turning in early. I ordered (room service) an open shrimp sandwich. And a plate of cookies and washed it al down w/pots of tea. Even though I felt awful, it was actually fun.

Saturday was a sail day. I got up late. Did my treadmill. Harlow wanted an early lunch so I went with him to the dining room and had a great seafood salad – crab, baby shrimp, and a really good piece of salmon w/a nice vinaigrette. For breakfast. With a few cappuccinos. I roamed around during the day. Harlow and the band played an outdoor concert on the deck over the pool. People were dancing their tushies off. After that I was feeling awful and took a lot of aspirin and a hot tub and then a steam. Then I just read a book. At dinner a lot of the guys said they felt sick too. I had gravlax and a seafood plate to start. A great endive salad. Grouper that was quite tasty. And a cappuccino and pie. At this point we were all pretty spoiled. It was amazing to sit down every night (and sometimes morning and noon) and be served as many courses as we could possibly want and have someone anticipating our after dinner coffee order and proffering extra desserts, every night. No dishes to wash. Unbelievable. Not really too easy to stay on any kind of diet though.

We had to have all our bags packed and in the hall by midnight. I needed a shower. Harlow was waiting to get paid (till 11:30) and then was collecting vests and paying the band. Almost didn’t get the bags out. Took a very late shower. Couldn’t sleep. Harlow was up 6:30 on Sunday so he could get breakfast. I was up a 7. We were supposed to meet Frank in the sports bar at 7:45. We waited. No Frank. Then a woman came to usher us through. But Emo was stuck w/all the rented equipment that Harlow had to return. Meanwhile, Harlow had left out 2 left different shoes and the suitcases were gone. He wanted to get down to get his shoes. But they wouldn’t let us go back on the boat again to help Emo and Louis. They were being held because they didn’t have customs papers. It was dicey. But they finally got out. Ismael came to get his stuff and drove us to the airport. Everyone was beat. Most of the boys had been up late. Harlow had upgraded our seats to Business class which was the greatest treat. We were coddled all the way home. I overate but didn’t care. Watched the stupid movie and all. It was very mild in N.Y. We got home and the kitties were thrilled (it was dinner time). I had a few hours to unpack, get all the laundry together, and prepare to start my next piece the next day for CBS-TV. And after that kind of long and tortuous travel day, we needed a vacation.